In a discussion currently happening on Reddit, users are contributing their "pro" fashion tips for the opposite sex. Not surprisingly, a large portion of these self-elected experts are dispensing advice not for men (the more fashion-impaired gender, according to conventional wisdom), but for women. Oh wow thank you; there's a really big fashion tips deficit in the world right now, especially on the Internet, and it's been a struggle for females, because we cannot function if someone's not telling us what to wear.
Except here's the thing: a lot of this "fashion advice" actually sounds pretty condescending, less like helpful guidance than condescending criticism. It's like the men of Reddit aren't actually fashion experts at all, but merely mansplainers who love banging away on their keyboards and flaunting their sexism. Drat, no fashion advice for us. How disappointing.
Well you're here for a reason, and here it is. We've collected seven of the most annoying pieces of fashion advice doled out by the men of Reddit:
"The muffin top must stop!" says that_random_eskimo.
Thanks for your feedback, guy — but:
"Even worse is an XL lady in a XS top with a small bra. The back fat looks like a pack of hotdogs vying and fighting for freedom," says the gallant revwhack. Hey buddy: I'll worry about my hot dogs and you worry about yours, okay?
"Stop shaving your eyebrows into weird, unnatural shapes. You look ridiculous," says the non-ridiculously named Jive_Turkey_Mofo
"Women – we really don't care all about all your bedazzled jewelry and fashion accessories looking like Cleopatra. We know it's just to impress other women. Just look nice and presentable," said ryuwins, who's missing the point.
From Ted_Denslow: "Ladies, please stop wearing colored contact lenses. They look absolutely ridiculous. It's like talking to a mannequin."
Ummm okay maybe, but talking to you is like talking to an asshole — so it's actually a pretty balanced situation if you think about it.
"Women – You have agency, be aware of that when you dress," says PecanPig, who enjoys shifting paradigms and blowing minds.
"Don't cake your face with makeup. Always have it at a limit to enhance facial features and hide blemishes," says TheSweetLegend, who probably taught Michelle Phan everything she knows.
In other words, thanks but no thanks everyone! We'll take it from here…